Susannah Paterson Painter, Ceramicist & Psychotherapist

Growing Myself Up

Growing Myself Up

I think it’s blindingly obvious that my art is closely informed by my work as a psychotherapist, but in case you hadn’t noticed, it is. The human struggle of being loved, liked, accepted, happy has always intrigued me. Like many people in the helping professions, I studied psychotherapy to heal myself . After all these years I don’t know if anyone is ever truly “healed” . I’ve come to think of it as a lifelong project.

Having said all that, I know I went through stage of feeling pretty “healed” and stable, only to get knocked off my pedestal by a number of things. The first was professional burn out and some ptsd from the vicarious trauma of listening to so much distressing material. On reflection, it’s not so much the content, but the process and the psychic energy it takes to “hold the space” for years on end for somebody who is being consistently abused by a partner, but is trapped in a relationship. To hold the space with someone who contemplates suicide week in and week out. Holding the space with another who is so possessed with a life threatening addiction and who just can’t seem to surrender fully to the idea, and so on.

The second thing that knocked me was bumping into the reality of being a creative person and dealing with rejection after rejection. I joked with another therapist/artist friend that learning to deal with the inevitable and repeated rejection is the ultimate in personal growth.
Gone is any illusion that I will be the next super dooper successful painter or potter. Gone is the dream that I will be “discovered”. The truth is that it is a grind, and it’s plod plod, and it takes years and years to develop your own visual voice, and the confidence to go with it.

You have to hold onto your belief in yourself like clinging to an anchor in a hurricane. Its easy to think that either you will never be good enough so why bother (whatsthepointitis), or you keep changing your style to the latest abstract artist who seems to be doing well , jumping on someone else’s wagon of success … and in the process, abandoning yourself.

I’ve been rejected from 90 % of art prizes I’ve entered, and I’ve had people promise to buy work, never to reappear again. There’s the endless unsolicited advice from well meaning people - and you need a strong internal boundary to deal with it. There’s the paintings that don’t work. The pots that looked fabulous before they were fired .. the breakages, the returns, the judgements.

On the other hand, the practice of a professional artist challenges and forces me to confront the bits of myself I don’t like, more than any Gestalt group I’ve ever been in. I can be lazy, impulsive and a bit disorganised .. oh no no no, there is no space for those things in a rigorous art practice! The public is no kind therapist inviting me to gently explore these things, it is a harsh nope, that won’t do. And of course, this is right. Art is pushing me, shaping me, forcing me to grow up and get real, and I am beginning to grudgingly appreciate it.

Trusting The Unconscious

The birth of an idea is an elusive thing.. for me it requires trusting the unconscious or that creative energy that has just knocked at my door, and acting on it. Read Moreā€¦

First Blog Ever

Greetings! This is my first blog post and I’m a tad nervous about it, but I love writing, and I’ve been meaning to do it for ages, and so today is the day.

I thought the best way to begin t was to talk about my painting process. To describe the process of creating a painting, and what goes on in my head and heart whilst I’m doing so. I know my work can be complex, and sometimes people are more comfortable with a nice still life, or a landscape, but you got to think of my work as a
landscape of the psyche - and hey, you know how uncomfortable that can be, and how beautiful or inspiring. It’s taken me years to find my own visual voice, and now that I have, I ain’t letting it go for nobody. I accept that not everyone will like it or that it isn’t always “nice” and it probably won’t match the blinds or your sofa, .. but for me, painting and art is so much deeper than all that … and I am accepting of the idea that I’m not a commercial artist, but I am a professional artist.

With all my work, I do “mine” my own psyche, but my belief is none of it really belongs to me. I am just a channel, or like a radio transistor who picks up the images and ideas that are already sitting “in the field” - another way of describing Carl Jung’s “collective unconscious”. These images come from my own experiences which include all the people, animals, phenomena that I may interact with, which is kind of limitless if you think of all the sources of information, images, that one is exposed to through the media, internet, local environment, friends, family, work … yes, limitless. So what I mean when I use the term “field” is the infinite field. It’s the vast (as far as we know, limitless) space in which we all co-exist. All our thoughts, experiences, feelings from past, present and future exist in this field. The challenge is not to impose too much “conscious” on what wants to be expressed.

So my paintings explore the unconscious, the sub conscious and the conscious. The process is always a conversation between my own conscious and the painting itself, which must have a voice. I find it quite an intense and challenging process, ever tempted to try and over control it, the painting seems to teach me restraint … and to leave some things undone, unsaid, or unexplained.

My greatest joy is listening to people projecting their own meanings into them .. my years of work as a psychotherapist tells me that this is important, and inevitable. Might as well offer something that allows people the freedom to do that.

That’s enough for today. I’ll continue in the next day or so.